On the Road

The Partnerin and I were up North visiting her family and participating in the baptism of her nephews. It was a happy but consuming weekend. That, plus the fact that her parent's town presents few opportunities to hook up to the net, made it difficult to keep up the blog over the weekend. The nearest "city" is Luneburg, of Luneburger Heide fame. It is filled with a number of gabled houses like those pictured here. We stopped off in Luneburg for a walk around, a little shopping and lunch, and then headed south.


The Heide itself is quite scenic. We've been talking for some time about actually spending some time there cycling or whatever, but at any given time we were either or both Type-A's who needed to be anywhere but where we were at the moment. I wish I could say it was different today, but we both had reasons to be back in Frankfurt before the end of the business day. Maybe next time ?

It's good to be back home.

Over at Der Burger Meister

Der Burger Meister visited The Fox & Hound for what he considers one of the best burgers in Frankfurt ... but in the name of journalistic integrity, he is still looking far and wide. Check it out. Your comments or suggestions are always welcome, as I'm sure we are all on the hunt for a good burger once in a while.

Chips & Dips

Yep, you probably wondered where I was going with #'s 4 & 5 below. We spent the day packing and organizing before we head north tomorrow ... today is the holiday in Germany and the start to a four day weekend, and therefore is perhaps the worst day to travel ... And it was a good day to prepare Pico de Gallo and Guacamole and chips to snack while we pack.

I decided to do this after being terribly disappointed in a plate of "nachos" that I had on the town last night. A couple of girls from class snagged me to go clubbing last night (I don't kid myself about being so hip, but I do have cash and a good sense of humor, so I'm a good clubbing companion). Unfortunately, before we could get away the instructor and another student did something highly uncharacteristic, namely to tag along. One wasn't dressed well enough to get past the bouncers, and the other wasn't so keen on Techno/House, so we found ourselves sitting in a restaurant named Tequila, which was cute and crowded, but not really what we had set out for.

I decided to order a Margarita, and even emphasized that I liked Lime and indeed wanted to taste some. True to form, I was disappointed. It was rather bland, and they didn't even bother to salt the rim of the glass (which I guess is better than using sugar on the rim, which I have experienced in a couple German bars). At least the Bar Tender gave me a rather thick piece of Lime, which I could squeeze into the drink to give it some flavor.

Everybody else decided to have beer, and aside from munching on a couple chips, none seemed to interested in the food ... oh well, now I know why I haven't actually gone ahead and opened the Mexican restaurant, an idea I have been toying with for some time ... I keep thinking the cosmopolitan bankers of Frankfurt are hungry for good mexican food and good margaritas, but I am kidding myself and am glad I have not made the investment.

Anyway, I ordered a plate of Nachos and Guacamole, but what we received were plain corn chips that had a few Jalepenos sprinkled over them along with a very small bowl of guacamole-cream. No salsa, no cheese, no anything else. Very disappointing indeed.

So today I decided fill the hole that had been left in my life by throwing together some chips and dips for me and the Partnerin. In mass quantities.

The red stuff is Pico de Gallo. It is nothing more than tomatoes, onions, garlic, jalepenos, cilantro and lime blended together. In this case, I did a fairly fine puree, which works well for dipping.

You really need to decide on your own proportions, but here I used three good sized tomatoes, one whole medium onion, roughly 10 slices of jalepeno peppers from the jar, the juice of one lime, and a small hadful of cilantro leaves (I guess that would be about ten leaves if I had bothered to count). I put everything but the tomatoes into the herb chopper until they are well mixed, and then toss in the tomatoes ... don't want to make gazpacho. This is a lot of onion and garlic for the average german, so you might want to reserve half of the onion and half of the garlic until you have tried the first batch out on your significant other. Maybe the same deal on the jalepenos. Some purists will tell you to take the seeds and watery part out of the tomatoes ... I don't, as I want it to be somewhat liquid. Others will tell you to add olive oil ... I don't, as the chips are oily enough.

As for the guacamole, this one is the chunky version. Half a tomato, half an onion, and half a clove of garlic are ground in the herb-chopper until mixed, then several hits of Tabasco, the juice of half a lime, and salt and pepper are added along with at least one whole, ripe avacado ... if you find them in your local market, it is highly unlikely it will be ripe. I always buy a couple each week so that I will have something to work with the next week. Today guacamole, tomorrow california rolls.

I was so pissed about last night's batch of guacamole that I wanted to get back to my roots, which would be closer to the Guacamole you can get at Rosa Mexicano's in the Upper East Side of Manhattan, which they hand-grind with a large mortar & pestle at your table. Rosa's do use cilantro in the guacamole, but I figured we had enough in the Pico. Anyway, today I decided to grind it only to a coarse texture, which surprised the Partnerin since she is accustomed to having guacamole in a cream form. As would most people in Germany, since they get their guacamole from a jar.

The Pico de Gallo is essentially a zero-calorie proposition, so you can have as much as you like without shame, although if you use as much onion and garlic as I do you might not get kissed for a couple of days. Other than that, the problem would be the chips. As for the guacamole, there is no question it is a high calorie dish, but the fat from the avocado is mostly mono-unsaturated fat (good for you) and the avocado is chock full of vitamins, so enjoy. Again, it's the chips that are killing you ... The homemade dips are good enough to eat without chips if you are really worried about things like that. Both are also good on burritos, as if that is a healthier alternative to chips ... or schnitzel.

Things I Wish Were Easier to Find in Germany #005 Plain Tortilla Chips

You can occasionally find plain Tortilla chips in stores, but it is hard. Most of what you will find are coated with "Nacho cheese" or some other flavoring, which renders them useless for making Nachos or for dipping in fresh salsa or pico gallo. I rarely see my German friends using plain salsa as a dip, instead seeing the jar-cheese and jar-guacamole-cream, both of which are heavy enough and bland enough to warrant the senseless use of flavored chips.

The Fuego brand of plain chips are pretty good, as is the WalMart brand. Toom carries a not so famous brand that are also pretty good, although they are too coarse for the Partnerin's taste. The Dippa brand also has a good plain chip, which is what the Partnerin prefers to use when she makes nachos ... I kid you not, and they are good. It's the one thing from America, other than your's truly, that she really digs.

I suppose I could make my own, but the fresh tortillas would never last so long to warrant frying ... yep, chips are essentially left-over tortillas, although several of the national Mexican restaurant chains in the US now very openly make the fresh tortillas and then fry them up for you to dip while you wait for that big burrito.

Things I Wish Were Easier to Find in Germany #004 Fresh Cilantro

It's called coriander here. Yes, you can find it, but it's not always easy. It seems the locals don't like it so much.

You can find Cilantro/Coriander in Germany in some markets ... just because they have a fresh herbs section does not mean they will have it. In Frankfurt, you can find it cut for sale at the Kleinmarkthalle downtown. I have not seen in in most grocery stores like MiniMal or Toom, but I have occasionally seen it among the live potted herbs at WalMart. It seems only Auslanders buy the stuff, so only the high-end and low-end Auslander shopping outlets seem to carry it.

I grow my own. There must be some demand for it, because you can find Coriander seeds for planting among the shelves of seed packets at the local Baumarkt.

Cilantro plus several items of "The Essential Kitchen" make Fresh Salsa or Pico Gallo. You don't find that here, and the closest you get is Fuego salsa in a jar, which is ok, but nothing beats the fresh stuff ... something I do miss from Southern California.

Go There #002 Restaurant Cafe Denne, Kiedrich (Rheingau)

Since I had no particular place to go, I decided to continue exploring the Rheingau. Kiedrich is a convenient jumping-off on the way into or out of the Rheingau, with quite a few good restaurants for a pre-wander lunch or a post-wander dinner. Having had two schnitzels, two burgers, greek, indian, and other sinful things to eat last week, I decided to eat a "light" lunch. I put that in scare-quotes because this is what I had ...

Salmon smothered in a cream sauce. Ok, not so bad, but what you don't see are the Rosti (fried potato cakes that would resemble what some Americans would call ... forgive me my German friends ... Hash Browns, but very good ones) that all of this is sitting atop. I was still doing OK up to this point.

This is the kind of place I can take my mother or sister when they visit -- It appeals to women, with the menu including a few interesting soups and salads and lighter fare. They also have Schnitzel if you are so inclined.

As I sat there having a late lunch, a number of the older women of the town came in to pick up their cakes and torte for the afternoon coffee break. And since it was a bit cooler today and there was no real outside table service, I found myself sitting facing the door and taking all this in. Germans have this habit of greeting total strangers, which still occurs in parts of the US, but after living a decade in New York I had grown accustomed to strangers leaving me to eat in peace. There was some of this greeting-stuff in Frankfurt, but usually only if the person was sitting down directly next to you or trapped in an elevator with you. Here, as I sat, practically every old lady who came in the door wished me "Guten Apetit" as I was savoring my lunch. It is a smaller town, indeed.

They have excellent cakes as you might be able to see from this poorly lit shot ... I try to shoot without flash, because people think it is odd enough that you are photographing your food.

I would ordinarily have skipped dessert and pick it up down the road, but I was sold by this little scene. The kids were really more interested in the pralines, which the Konditor informed the mother were filled with alcohol ... I don't know if he was giving her a warning or a tip.

I decided to have what I would have called "Death by Chocolate." It turns out that this was the Whiskey Torte. Hmmm. Thick chocolate drowned in Whiskey. Two of my favorite things in life. So I had that with a shot of espresso. When the Partnerin saw that, she said "You had coffee!" I never do that. It was just that kind of day.

Salmon with Rosti smothered in cream-sauce and accompanied by Salad, a glass of Coke, a Whiskey Torte, and an Espresso came to EUR 13.45, which was rounded up to 15.00.


Go there!

Oberstrasse 22
65399 Kiedrich
Tel (06123) 4979

50° 02' 28" N
08° 04' 55" E

They are closed on Mondays.
Tuesdays to Saturdays, open 12:00 to 18:00
Sundays & Holdidays, open 10:00 to 18:00

Yes, I will get to other towns ... so many restaurants, so little time, especially if I keep chowing down schnitzels and burgers.

Plane Spotting

It was a slow day ... weather too dicey to play golf, and I had no place special to go. So I decided to see if I could get a few good shots of planes landing. Yes, I have a hard life indeed.

I forgot how many people (mostly middle aged men, in serious need of a life who have found one doing this for hours on end ... I felt odd doing it for an hour) go to the airport to hang out and watch the aircraft land.

Most of them had cameras. I was happy to have my "super" 300mm telephoto lens on hand, but I started to get a real sense of Lens-Envy as I walked past the serious guys with the 1000mm + telephoto lenses. You could see them sneer at my little attachment as I walked by. Still I managed to get some nice photos.

Some of these guys are really into Plane Spotting, not only in photographing the planes, but also in keeping detailed logs of tail-numbers (aircraft ID's) and times of take-off or landing.


Some people even travel the world doing this ... a bunch of Brits were jailed in Greece for this sometime after September 11. I think the Greeks kept their equipment, which given the investment some of these guys make in gear, would make a serious dent in their household budget. In any case, one could make the observation that "the Greeks don't want no Geeks." Groan!


I wonder how people get into this ... do they start watching planes and then buy all the toys, or do they find themselves with all the toys and a need to find something to do with them?

I must admit it is fun to watch planes landing on a windy day like today ... but unless you are trying to piece together the operations of certain groups of aircraft operators, it really makes one wonder why these guys do this for hours on end. Then again, several of the biggest lenses on the line were sitting on the ground ... some of these guys were spotting for specific tail numbers, and would only point the big guns in the direction of ground operations if one landed. Maybe they are looking for those famed CIA flights the EU has been whining about ... hmmm. Since some military and a number of military contracted flights still come here, I would not be surprised if a couple of these guys were out there for professional reasons.

This also gave me a chance to take a close-up look at the Luftbrücke (Air Bridge) memorial to the 1947 Berlin Airlift. The Frankfurt airport was dual use until recently, with the "other side" being Rhein-Main Air Force Base. I flew into this place on more than a few occasions in the 80's, but I never bothered to see the memorial up close. I also hadn't bothered to see it in the past several years I have lived here. The fenced in area is only open on alternate weekends, so I had to photograph it from outside, but I finally got to see this little icon in person and not just from the A-5 as I was speeding up to 200KPH or from Final for 25L as I was slowing to 160Kts.

Things I Wish Were Easier to Find in Germany #003 Guinness Extra Stout

OK, I'd be happy to have free and unfettered access to any of the members of the Guiness family, but short of living over an Irish Pub, it's not so easy to find for consumption at home.

I first started drinking Guinness Extra Stout when I was in the Air Force. I shared an apartment with two other crew dogs ... each of us pulled a week of alert duty, which meant that at any time only two of us were home. It also meant that when one of us was away, our stuff was fair game for use/consumption by the others. So invariably I would come home to a week's worth of my dishes sitting in the sink and no cola or beer to drink. Thus began a continuing relationship with Tab and Guinness (It had to be Extra Stout for maximum effect), both of which were not to the likings of my roomies. As for me, they suit my personality ... dark and bitter, heh heh!

You can find the stuff in Germany ... somewhere on the Guinness web-site there used to be a search engine you could use to find specific vendors, usually one of your local Getraenkmarkte ... it usually looked very lonely next to the thousands of German beers to be had, but it seemed to move rather well. Lately I've found it at Walmart, and it has indeed been moving well. Maybe it will become much more common in Germany.

And on the subject of Guinness, bravo to the engineers who have developed a canned draft that gives you decent head. No substitute for the real thing ... a pint in a pub that is ... but not a bad alternative in strange and foreign lands.

Of Telcos & Table Lamps Friday was Big Schnitzel Day

Since I failed last week to get a proper picture of the Schnitzelbrotchen at the Schillermarkt, I decided despite a week full of cholesterol to risk my life yet again in the name of journalistic integrity ... here it is in its full splendor.

The Parnterin and I went out for Greek on friday evening, and when we returned, the house was dark ... really dark. Something had blown the circuit breaker for the living room, so the lights and all of the electronics were dark, which was truly a shame because it meant that the West Wing was not recording.

So having restored power, I set about looking for the cause. I went to switch on the table lamp I had bought at the Nebraska Furniture Mart about twenty years ago: This is the lamp the Partnerin has been bugging me to put in storage for some time despite protestations that this was the first lamp I had actually purchased as an adult, thus earning it a special place in the house. It was on a timer, so it should have been on ... "Gee, the bulb must be burned out." So I check it and yes, it is bad. Having replaced it, I switch it on ... Blue flash and then darkness. Yep, found the cause.

I stand in the dark for a couple of seconds wondering what would cause a lamp that had been working well for several years since last being moved ... these things generally don't spontaneously melt down, with failure usually coming when parts are moved. I'm the only one who touches the thing ... the Partnerin is not keen on American Table Lamp styling.

My mind wanders as I ponder the possibilities: "Hmmm ... Maybe NSA has been reading my blog, and in a rare incident of interagency cooperation, the clandestine service of CIA have planted a bug in the lamp to gather more up-close and personal information on what we eat for dinner, and in typical CIA fashion the damn thing has failed." Ok, I'm really not that paranoid ... just wanted to make this mundane part of the story more interesting.

But I digress.

Having unplugged the lamp and reset the circuit breaker, I sit down to check the e-mail. The Network is working, but I'm getting "Server not found" on all pages. Seems my internet connection is down. So I climb up on the China Hutch, where the router and DSL modem are stationed, and I confirm the router is OK, but the DSL modem is stone-cold dead. Seems the power surge killed it. I open it to see if their is a fuse to replace, and in classic cheap T-Com fashion, there is not. It is truly fried. And this is the one piece of equipment for which I have no redundancy. I could handle a laptop, network card, or even the router failing, but I have no spare DSL modem. Bummer.

So yesterday I wander down to my local T-Punkt or whatever they call it to get a new modem. If I were really interested in keeping costs to a minimum I would have bought one at Saturn or Media Markt, but I also decided to finally upgrade to the 6MB DSL service ... I figure I can talk them into tossing in the modem for free if I upgrade, which they do. In the bargain, I can eliminate two of five boxes in the telephone-network chain (this thing also manages analog appliances, which had required another attachment to interface with the ISDN).

Of course, as I walk home I think of the 6000 things I must now do now that I have essentially eliminated the need for a separate router, which was managing all of the wireless security. And this means that I need to collect a bunch of MAC addresses and put them into the MAC filtering of the new AP/Router/Modem and re-do the keys on all the gadgets. What price, paranoia ... I do have a healthy regard for the fact that someone can camp outside our front yard and sniff packets, and I'm not going to make it easy for them.

Surprise, surprise, this thing is up and working in less than 20 minutes ... the first good OOBE I have ever had with T-online. Better stop typing now while good karma is on my side.

Burger Brief #001 -- Benchmarking

First in a series over at Der Burger Meister, deals with what to pick as a benchmark burger. It's not the best in Germany or the World, but it's not a bad start.

For those of you who follow this blog, if you are concerned about the amount of cholesterol I have pumped into my system this week, thanks for your concern ... to Paraphrase Dennis Leary, they still haven't found a cure for death, and so I eat and enjoy.

Alte Oper Fest

Yes, the festival season is well underway with the return of the festival at the Alte Oper ...






But again, what is with Tacos & Crepes? Don't know, but it is popular.







And be sure to sample some of the "local" specialities, like the Caiprihinas. The team is working fast and furious here to grind the fresh limes ... worth the wait.

The Rheingau (Continued)

This is Schloss Johannisberg from the bottom of the hill. It's on the circuit of Schlosses that I drag friends and family to when they visit, as you can walk for miles / kilometers and get all sorts of scenery. And of course have a nice tasting of the more famous of the local wines.






The view down the hill.



Someone was planning a party or reception with a view. From this vantage point you have roughly 230 degrees of view.






All of this takes place at 50 degrees North, which is a bit north of Vancouver, BC and Winnipeg, Manitoba in Canada. Gives you an idea of how temperate the Rhein region is. The Mosel region is a few "minutes" farther north.














Then you can stop off and have a cake and coffee on the Terrace overlooking the Rhein. Rest assured, try to do this on a Saturday afternoon in Spring and Summer and you will not be alone.









You can also have cake and coffee in the enclosed Terrace year-round, or you can take in a full meal of the "local specialities."












This was on Tuesday, so it was not so bad ... only a few roving packs out for a spaziergang ...





Otherwise, just me, the Bishop, and the vines.

Go There #001 The Zehnthof, Kiedrich (Rheingau)

Schnitzel just like Grandma used to make, fried in Butter. I started to order this with a side of fries, but then I remembered where I was ... bratkartoffeln also fried in butter. Actually, I think it is a combination of butter and schmalz, as if you needed more fat, but you can taste the butter. More importantly, you can actually feel the texture of the Schnitzel's bread-crumb coating as it hits your tongue.

Schnitzel, bratkartoffeln, salad, and Coke (I have to drive) run a grand total of EUR 10.40, which I round up to EUR 12.00 for the fast and friendly service. Might not seem like much of a tip by American standards, but the waitress thanks me in English.

Go there ... the decor will look tired, but at least it is paid for. The food is good and the price is right.

Oberstrasse 1
65399 Kiedrich

50° 02' 26" N
8° 05' 01" E

I doubt you will need a reservation. But keep in mind that this place is closed on Friday's ... go figure, most places chose Monday.

It's not a big town. Walk around a bit and enjoy it. If you don't find the Zehnthof, you will find at least 6 other places (most are Strausswirtschaften) to take a look at. If you are not shy about sitting with strangers, you will find a place at one of them, maybe. They fill up fast.

The Rheingau

Let's pretend I am typing this in on Tuesday evening ... well, it's still Tuesday evening in the US, so that's go enough for me. I got a late start into the day, largely due to dropping documents off at an offically approved translator and doing a little banking, but I decided to head west for the Rheingau ... had not been there for a while.

As I was passing under the A-5, I thought "I bet there's construction on the A-66 .... maybe I should take the A5 south to the A3 and then West." I've always been good at thinking, but unfortunately I've too often been good at second-thoughts, which in this case went something like, "Nah! How bad can it be." I finally got to where I would have been on the A-3 in 20 minutes if I had taken it an hour ago. 40 minutes lost.

This would have pissed me off in my banking days ... and it still does, because I have book-ended 4 out every 5 days in the week with a language class. Tonight's class started at 7pm, so I had enough room to venture the 60Km or so to the Rheingau, but the loss of 40 minutes meant that one stop and one wine tasting had to be cut out of the day ... well, at the time I believe I gave myself the choice to cut class, but Tuesday is Chinese, and I actually enjoy that class. If it had been German, which I have on the other three nights, there would have been at least two more wine tastings this afternoon.

I settled on Schloss Johannisberg ... it has a good set of paths through the vineyards, and it also has a great view of the Rhein Valley. Since I had camera in hand, I figured it would be the best subject of the day. Schloss Vollrads might look more like what one would expect from an American's perspective of how German vinter's layouts ought to look, but Johannisberg is not exactly a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

Fortunately I had had a light lunch in Frankfurt, so I was not hungry when I arrived at a closed restaurant. Which did not matter since I had decided on a Schnitzel later in Kiedrich. And so I set about walking the paths around the Schloss and snapping photos, which I would have shared here, but for some reason blogger is not uploading any more.

Just as well, as this post was on its way to getting James Joycian. So I leave it with a blick of the Rhein.

Is there a Hidden Message Here ?

It Pays to Look Up Once in a While

They are finally stripping the shroud off the Frankfurt Dome, and just in time for the WM2006. I caught it from a bad angle today, so I will have to re-visit this from another perspective, because this also means that the Auslander Banner up above should be updated to reflect this nice addition to the skyline.

Colonel Nathan Jessup ...

Comes to mind every time I see this on the Alte Oper.

???

Who'da thunk of that?!

Must BBC-TV

The video is precious, especially the first couple of seconds when the Interviewee realizes something is not quite right ... too late, the poor "Guy" who showed up to interview for a job at the BBC is already mic'd up, put in front of a camera, and asked to comment on the court decision settling the dispute between Apple Computer and Apple Corps, Ltd. (The Beatles Record-label, which has been in a trademark infringement suit against Apple Computer for years).

Watch the video here

Read the story in The Mail here.

Quo Vadis, Frankfurt am Main

Did you know that the British Consulate in Frankfurt has been closed? I learned this today in the quest for a translating service that would be acceptable to the local consular office, which I until today thought was here in Frankfurt.

Turns out FfM and Stuttgart have been shuttered, which says something about the direction both of those locations are going in terms of international commerce.

Frankfurt, as you will recall, had pretensions of being "the" financial center of Europe, which was a plausible view given that the UK had kept itself out of the Euro.

I don't know if the Brits outsmarted the Germans or if the Germans snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, but several years later there seems to be no noticable chink in the armor of London as the financial center of Europe, if not the world, while Frankfurt is nothing more than one of the Borses on the Continent.

So I start the visa process, and I guess I better start "correcting" my spellings of things like "Armour" and "Centre".

Happy Mother's Day

I'm happy to keep a few plants alive ... I'm in awe of those of you who rear children, especially when I look back at what a brat I was.

Here are a few flowers for you, Mom

The MSM reports that Salary.com has determined that the job of Mom is grossly underpaid (see their Mom Salary Wizard). Perhaps so, but until Mom can float shares, issue herself stock options, and cook the books, it's always going to be that way.

Meanwhile, Mausi recently gave a great example of the priceless things the compensation experts can't put a price-tag to. Take a look.

Les jours de PluieMon Jardin est Vivant

It's raining, but that's OK, because my Garden is alive.

Flowers,

















the olive tree ...











Herbs ...












even the "little ones" are springing ....

Is Home-Schooling a Viable Option in Germany ?

Check out this blurb at DW about the new "Histoire/Geschichte: Europe and the World Since 1945," which will be used to educate your high-school aged kids. Sounds innocent enough, no?

The article points out that one of the "pitfalls" to be overcome was the depiction of the US: "The French found the Germans to be pro-American, and the Germans found our viewpoint to be anti-American," says Guillaume Le Quintrec, one of the Project's co-directors.

Hmmm ... the French think the Germans are Pro-American ... the Germans I know have been amiable to me as a person, but I haven't been experiencing much of the old admiration for America the country lately. And if the Germans think the French are merely anti-American, one can only imagine how bad things really are.

Big Schnitzel Day

Lousy picture ... next time I'll remember to set a higher ISO value. And I didn't take a picture of my own because it was simply too big to hold and photograph. Such problems! But this is not a problem, this is an opportunity ... I get to go back next week in the name of journalistic integrity.

I set out earlier to get a Bratwurst, but when I got to town I realized it was Big Schnitzel Day ... Friday. Yes, I forgot it is Friday. I don't pay attention to these things any more, and would only have remembered if I had watched Boston Legal last night, but I only recorded it so that I could spend some time talking to the Partnerin to make up for being out too late with the "kids" from class the night before. This has become a weekly thing. Shame on me.

So Friday is the day for the Wochenmarkt at the Schiller Strasse. On many Fridays during my working life here, I and a few colleagues (two Americans and my Intern(s), but only one German ... all the others would only venture to the company cantine for lunch) would wander over to the Borse for the Big Schnitzel.

I originally wanted to call this post, "Inflation in Euro Land," but my own eyes were glazing over at the prospect of it. In the old days, pre-Teuro, you could get a decent Schnitzel Brotchen (a fried pork steak-like cut of meat on a roll, optionally swimming with Mustard) for roughly DM 4.50. In those days the Mark was pegged at 1.95583 for each Euro, so a Schnitzelbrotchen cost you roughly EUR 2.30.

When the currency changed over, Schnitzelbrotchen were on the market at EUR 2.50 ... OK, a little opportunism there, but it was worse in the Wurst market, which had gone from DM 3.00 to EUR 3.00 in some places. That was clearly a misreading of the price-elasticity-demand for Bratwurst, and the market settled back to EUR 2.50, where it has been stuck in most places for some time. The Schnitzelbrotchen market, on the other hand, has seen an increase in prices, first to EUR 3.00 a couple years ago, and then to EUR 3.50 a few weeks ago. These folks have discovered they do indeed have pricing power, while the poor Bratwurst vendors have learned that there are many more substitutes, like Schnitzel, for their wares. Gotta love economics.

I would also take the opportunity to pick up veggies and meats for the weekend. The Schnitzel vendor is also the meat vendor. Here you see him hacking away at a couple of Gekochte Ripchen (Translates to cooked ribs, which are pork with a sort of ham-like quality and taste. I love to grill them). I only bought two of the Rippchen, but to do that he had to go to the refrigerator-truck to get a new slab. He returned with that and cut off the not-so-good looking end (they call it scrap in US markets and it is typically thrown away even if it is edible).

Maybe he sensed my annoyance over inflation in the Schnitzel market, or maybe he was having a good day, because after he weighed the two I bought, he said "I'll throw this in for the taste!" Well, what he said was in German, but it was something like that. It was probably EUR 1.50 worth of meat that he could have taken home for dinner himself. Nice touch. So here is a gratuitous plug ... click on the picture to get a larger version. Go there. The meat is good.


And then to wander around and look at the veggies ... It is once again Spargel Season in Germany. Here are the Spargel ... White Asparagus hundreds of them. Germans are mad for the stuff ... I'm toying with writing a book called Spargel Madness. Spargel have even become the topic of political debate, with the Arbeitsagentur (roughly the Department of Labour) insisting that at least 10% of the laborers involved in the harvesting of the stuff be unemployed Germans ... the workforce is currently 100% Auslander.

Farmers complain that Germans won't take the work. Same lame argument as in the US ... Germans will take the work, but not at the paltry rates farmers will pay. I wonder if I would qualify as one of the 10% or if I would still be in the Auslander quota ... doesn't matter, I don't want to pick spargel for EUR 5.00 per hour. I'm not even sure they make that much. But the Partnerin is crazy for Spargel. Maybe I could work a couple hours in barter for the Spargel. It is roughly EUR 6 to 10 per kilo depending on what grade you buy and where you buy it. Hmmm.



Even the Brits get into the action at the Market.

And after all of that, a nice Caramel Frappucino.

Things I Wish Were Easier to Find in Germany #002 Individual Wet-naps for Adults

The type you can keep in your pocket for "emergencies," like when you want to eat a bratwurst at an imbiss after a day of touching slimy door-handles on the S-Bahn. Also useful for taking the Wurst grease off your hand afterward.

The Purell^® are the Gold Standard (IMHO) for two reasons: First, their scent is fairly pure ... just the etyly alcohol, the smell of which can best be described as the smell of the alcohol-wipe the doctor uses just before he jabs you with your various shots. Second, the foil packs in which they are packed are nearly indestructible. You can carry these things in your pockets with your house-keys, etc. for a 100 days straight, and they will still be refreshingly ready to ease your OCD concerns at the imbiss.

The Wet Ones^® are also good. Slightly scented, but still true to the underlying ethyl-alcohol base. The downside of these is that they are not so durably packaged. They used to only be in foil-lined paper that would last two days in a pocket with keys, but now those packs are also shrouded in plastic film, so they might last up to 5 carries. This is not a "pack and forget" item for the pocket, but good for a purse, suggesting that their manufacturer has overlooked a large part of the OCD market.

The closest German equivalent to these things comes from Sagrotan^TM. They are ostensibly usable on the hands, but they have an industrial smell that really turns one off. A lot of my German colleagues did use these to clean their telephone handsets and keyboards after seeing a Pro Sieben reportage giving a behind-the-scenes look at how the Russian and Polish putz-crews were cleaning offices. Like sausage being made, there are things you don't want to see. Just buy sanitizer and hope for the best.

You find plenty of the more freshly scented Wet-naps in industrial-sized packs for baby care. Two problems here ... first, they are for Baby care, meaning they are gentle. If you really want to sanitize somthing, forget these. But even if they are useful for you, albeit only within a small radius of your massive travel pack, who wants to smell like a baby's popo?

I have seen smaller 10-packs of of Wet Ones^® in London and Sydney, but never succeeded in finding individual packs in retail stores there. The Australians pride themselves on being a hardy bunch, so no suprise there. The Brits pride themselves on being more refined, so perhaps I didn't look hard enough.

So for Germany, your choices seem to be (1) bring a bunch back with you from the States, (2) live with with Sagrotan^TM and its smell, (3) look for a restaurant supply store and buy individual towelettes in bulk, but be sure to ask for a sample first, because many of these also have the industrial scent, or, finally, (4) go without and take your chances with the bacteria like humanity did for millenia.

Purell is a registered trademark of the Warner-Lambert Company LLC, a Limited Liability Comany incorporated in Delaware by this Morris-Plains-New-Jersey-based mega-corporation that delivers the goods.

Wet Ones is a registered trademark of the Personal Care Group, Inc., also a Delaware Corporation, but belonging to this Westport CT based concern.

Sagrotan is somebody's trademark, but I don't want to do the research. It's a sunny day, so I'm going to pack a few Wet Ones® in my pocket and go get a bratwurst.

Always read the Tiny Print

Put the Maggi into Magic

Ok, dumb title, but I stumbled across the Maggi Store today and was immediately reminded of Claire and The German risking their lives, liberty, and sacred honor to snag a photo of the Maggi Aisle in their local market ... read about it here.

Soups, snacks, cooking courses, new recipes ... what else could you want? The Magic of Maggi.

Things I Wish Were Easier to Find in Germany #001 Good Kitchen Tongs

The kind you see in Commercial Kitchens. Tough, simple, cheap. Got these in the US for about $6.

Versatile. From Kitchen to the back-yard BBQ fire ... in fact, you can leave these things in the fire without a second thought, although doing so might be harmful to your hands if you don't wear an oven mit. The longer versions are great for retrieving items dropped behind that heavy sofa you don't want to move.

Not so easy to find here. I have seen the "Jamie Oliver" version, with silicon tips, going for around EUR 17.99 ($22.85) in stores. I can live without the silicon tips, but can't live without the tongs.

I learned that you can find them via Amazon.de, in their Kitchen section under
Küche & Haushalt > Kategorien > Küchengeräte & Kochgeschirr > Kochbesteck > Zangen
Prices range from EUR 9.99 to EUR 15.99 depending on the length ... talk about size mattering. This would be a good economics rant for some other day.

Remember the Good Old Days?

Gas for $1.32 per gallon?

Look again ... that's EUR 1.32 per Liter, which works out to about $6.34 per gallon at today's rates ($1.27 to EUR 1.00).

My friends and family in the US can take this as a message to stop whining.

And for a little amusement, let's just file this story under the category "They will take my SUV from me when they can pry it out from under my fat, lazy butt ...: People are hocking their jewelry and other valuables to tank up.

Even if this doesn't describe you (if it did, you would have already hocked the laptop to tank the Hummer^® and wouldn't be reading this), wander over to Germany Doesn't Suck and read about National Bike Week. Then follow J's advice, if only for a week.


Hummer is a registered trademark of the General Motors Corporation, which has also trademarked it in categories such as IC 028. US 022 023 038 050. G & S: BALLOONS, BOARD GAMES, CHRISTMAS TREE ORNAMENTS, COLLECTABLE TOY CARS, DIE CAST VEHICLE MODELS, PEDDLE CARS, COIN- OR NON-COIN OPERATED PINBALL MACHINES, PLASTIC VEHICLE HOBBY KITS FOR THE CONSTRUCTION OF TOY VEHICLES, PLASTIC VEHICLE MODELS, RADIO CONTROLLED CARS, VIDEO GAMES, NAMELY, COIN-OPERATED VIDEO GAMES AND STAND ALONE VIDEO GAME MACHINES as well as IC 018. US 001 002 003 022 041. G & S: Backpacks, billfolds, briefcases, business card cases, carry-on bags, credit card cases, coin cases, duffel bags, fanny packs, garment bags for travel, luggage, overnight bags, purses, sport bags, tote bags, trunks for traveling, umbrellas and wallets.

Always read the Tiny Print

Der Burger Meister - Preview

OK, I realize it sounds a bit pretentious to call myself the Master of Burgers, but I could not think of a better name for a series of posts on the various Burgers one could find in restaurants, diners, pubs, bars, etc. in Germany (maybe even the world!). If you have a better idea or a contribution to the series, we can talk. First point of business out of the way.

I got the idea yesterday as I went up the road to shoot some golf and try a little diner in Friedberg. The Partnerin and I had passed it on a couple of occasions, but we never had the chance to try it out because it was closed (Strike-one, unfortunately). I also remembered a post by Jen @ Heisse Scheisse and the responses it got (check out "Feed Me"), and thought "Gee, there is some appetite for this sort of information."

So I was ready to launch straight into issue #1, and as I was laying out the first burger above I realized that if I were going to do this any justice, I really should do a little more pre-production conceptualization & planning. I don't claim to be an artist here, but I can at least do a little better, since I was "The Suit" for a production company in New York in the mid-'90s.

By the way, the differences between Der Auslander and Martha Stewart Living® are many, mostly money ... I don't spend $5,000 to lovingly produce each piece of artwork. It would look better with a food stylist, lighting director, and director of photography, but it's not so bad after you "Fix it in Post." There are also things like style, artistic talent, and other media resources, but why let those little things get in the way of the actual production of art ... er, I mean entertainment.

Stay tuned.

Martha Stewart Living is a registered trademark of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, Inc.

This, BTW, constitutes the first commercial use of "Der Burger Meister" by Mike B Productions in the classes IC 035 and IC 042. Click here to see the second.

Always read the Tiny Print

Bearlin

I dug this out of the archives. This is from Autumn of 2000, my first trip to Berlin since 1985. This was an exhibition on Unter den Linden Strasse leading up to the Brandenburg Tor.

I drag this out to catch your eye and send you over to Dackel Princess, who is re-lving her earlier visit to Berlin and the former East in a series of posts "My German Odyssey 1989." They are all a good read, but I'll start you in the middle with #4 to get you hooked ... Check it out.

Where in the World is Elvis ... And what is he doing there?

Audience Participation Time ... we're playing for a tray of Rupert's delicious deli-meats, which the winner can pick up at their own expense in New York. That's right, get the right answer, and if you can fly yourself to New York and take a cab, subway, whatever to Rupert's Hello Deli just around the corner from the CBS Late Night studio at the Ed Sullivan Theater, I will at least buy the tray of meat. I unfortunately won't have the Letterman Babes to present it.

Two part question: This is Elvis, if you can't tell. He's at 50° 21.511' N 8° 44.844 E ... Where is he? What is that structure he so proudly adorns?


Contest Rules

A Beavis & Butthead Moment

No long story, no deep thoughts, and no political-economic rant here. I went out today to play a few holes of golf and have a burger ... mission accomplished, and perhaps a restaurant review after tonight's Chinese class.

But I came across this, and had my Beavis & Butthead moment for the day ... Hehh Hehh, Hehh Hehh!

All that glitters ...

A Shakespeare purist will tell you the famous line from "Merchant of Venice" is really "All that glisters ...." Whatever.

When I first wrote about gold as a tangential reference at the beginning of April, it was below $600 per ounce. The comment was, expect higher.

I wrote about it last week at $666. The inference was expect higher.

Today it is just below $700 per ounce, and I have no comment, because a number of important analysts are now speculating about the prospect of $1000 gold ... gee, if they are paying attention, I might need to rethink my own position.

A Quiet Night on the Main

The view from one of the restaurant/bar barges at around midnight.

Where in the World are We

The 2006 Natinal Geographic - Roper Survey of Geographic Literacy in the USA has been blowing through the blogosphere lately.

My Expatriate Odyssey gave us some interesting empirical data that show the "problem" is not limited to the US students ... take a look at it here.

In terms of the MSM, CNN carried a blurb on it. Best of the Web Today at the Opinion Journal is usually good about commenting on these things, but didn't seem to say anything about it. Oddly enough, others also appear to have passed on this story. Even the New York Times didn't have much to say about it, and they generally print all the news that fits. Apparently this story is either un-newsworthy or these people have a lousy publicist.

If you really want to learn more about the survey findings, you can find an overview here. From there you can download the full 89 pages of findings and survey methodology in pdf format if you are so inclined. I was.

If you are a PhD student or budding pollster looking for ideas on how to structure your own Geographic Literacy poll, you might find this interesting for the 42 page Questionnaire & Field Manual used to gather data.

I do want to comment specifically on one survey finding: More people were able to identify Mississippi (52%) on a US map than New York (50%) and Ohio (43%). Fascinating!

When I lived in New York City, it didn't really matter that there was a "New York State," and Ohio was in Flyover Country, that geographic region one sees from the air while on the way to the Left Coast. Mississippi wasn't even on the map, a view that is evidenced by a big n/a in the 1998 column of the survey results. If National Geographic - Roper says Mississippi was n/a in 1998, then it must not have been there. 'Nuff said 'bout that. But what about Delaware?

This gem comes from Overheard in New York (viewer discretion advised due to graphic nature of some of the content ... We're tawking about F***ing New York heeah!), which is an ongoing collection of conversation snippets people hear in various parts of the city and diligently report. Some of these things might be made up, but in a decade of New York living, I heard thousands of snippets like these. Anyway, on to Delaware:

---

He Does His Best Thinking in the Laundromat

NYU boy #1: Dude, let's go to Delaware. I've never been there -- I didn't even know it was a state until the quarter came out.

NYU boy #2: Oh yeah, you told me that. That was like last week.

NYU boy #1: Yeah, man.

  -- University & Waverly

Overheard by: a girl who's ashamed to go to NYU sometimes

---

Which gives one reason to reflect and wonder if the US Mint might be better equipped than "Big Education" to teach our children. It is also heartening to hear that the youth of today are paying more attention to their money than one might have thought.

As for National Geographic - Roper Report, there seems to be an agenda here, but I'm not going to comment much on it ... suffice it to say that when you see a link entitled "Notify Your Lawmakers" half of you will think this is a good thing and the other half will be reaching to check that your wallet is still in your pocket.

Ripping off the Butthole Surfers

There's a time for taking
And a time for giving
But ripping off the Butthole Surfers
Is how we make our living.
    - The Dead Milkmen, "The Fez" from Eat Your Paisley, 1986

Having confessed to the world in a previous post (DWI) less than 24 hours ago that I listen to the likes of the Butthole Surfers (site contains provocative content ... enter at own risk), tonight's episode of "The Larry Sanders Show" has them on as musical guests.

This was the episode 510, "The Prank," aired somewhere around 1997, when the Surfers were still a "household name." Ha Ha Ha Ha! It also included the ever-delicious Lori Loughlin and her "Full House" beau John Stamos.

For those not familiar with the show, it was a parody of the late-night talk shows. It ran from 1992 to 1998. Where does time go?

Does one take this as coincidence, or is it really part of a larger cosmic plan for renewed Butthole ascendency?

What's the Problem With This View ?

(ed note: besides the fact that I don't have a polarization filter)



The problem is that I never used to have this view, because a line of stately trees shaded the path along the Main river.




















This is one of the smaller stumps.














This is what they did to others.















But there are still nice shady stretches.

Remember the old Beatles song "Rain" ???

"When the rain comes, they run and hide their head. They might as well be dead."
"When the sun shines, they slip into the shade, and sip their lemonade."

More deep thoughts you could only get via blogging.

Do you suppose that ...

blogging is like grafitti on the side of a bridge?

DWI

I forgot how 20-year-old girls dance, which is just as well, because the 20-year-old girls I danced with when I was 20 had nothing on the 20-year-old girls I was dancing with tonight. It is after midnight in Frankfurt, and somehow I have found my way to a restaurant cum dance club on a barge on the Main with a smoking-hot Russian girl.

The Partnerin has nothing to fear from Russian #1, who has been a sweetheart through the entire time we had German class together. But the other Russian girl, Russian #2, with model-class looks, is a bit of a surprise this evening. She barely had five words to say to me during the past ten weeks, and now she is licking salt off my hand.

Well, not now … earlier at the restaurant the German class had chosen for a few beers to celebrate the ending of the class. Russian #2 goes with a Martini, which this German establishment serves in a tall glass. C’est plus qu’un crime.

After a couple of those, she orders a tequila shot, and then announces to the table that she needs a man. She and Russian #1 then whisper to one another in Russian and point to a table full of young German guys … a couple of them are cute, but they generally look moribund. Don't know if its too many beers or just their group persona. Nevertheless, if she had said it loud enough, I’m sure twenty or so willing volunteers would have materialized from the surrounding tables.

Russian #2 tells the boys at our table that one of them must lick the back of his hand, pour salt on it, and give it to her. They look like deer in the headlights, these poor boys, so she picks the nice guy from China who had assigned me the Traumberuf of Profikiller during one of the class exercises. She downs the tequila and to the delight of all the guys at the table, licks the salt off his hand.

About twenty minutes later, this process is repeated with another guy. This time it is the instructor. Lick, salt, tequila, lick, done. I announce across the table that I am impressed with the size of her tongue and that I am looking for an intern. Everyone laughs, and the dress and lipstick jokes start to fly … even after 9 years, Bill Clinton is still one of the most popular Presidents in the rest of the world, not for his leadership but for his outrageousness. Obviously not very shy, Russian #2 announces that I am next.

When it comes time to order the next shot of tequila, I order one too. It’s not polite to let Russian #2 drink alone. I’m the guy who brings gas to a bonfire just to make things more interesting.

So we both lick, apply salt, wish each other Nastrovje, down the Tequila, and lick the salt off each other’s hand. We are best buds. I'm the only one to join her in the shots, of which I figure there won't be many because she is two shots and two martinis up on me, and until now I have only been drinking Apfelsaft Shorle.

A few Tequila’s later and we are down to a group of four. What lightweights. In New York (at least back in the go-go Clinton days), Thursday night action was only starting at 11. So we help her down the stairs and start to walk the path back along the river. She grabs my arm … “May I?” No affection there, she just needs a little horizontal stabilization.

As we walk along, we pass a barge cum restaurant cum dance club with House blaring out the open doors and windows.

She asks, “What kind of music do you like?”

“I like all kinds of music," I reply. I can tell where this is going … she wants to dance. I am immediately reminded of "You'll Dance to Anything" by the Dead Milkmen. “Techno is OK for dancing, but I am really old school ... metal and punk.”

“You mean, like Queen?” she asks. I think, Omigod … This girl really is from Siberia.

“Queensryche maybe, Queen never,” I reply.

“Oh, I’m sorry. You like Metallica?” For her, this is probably like asking about Papa’s music, but she is trying to find common ground. Give her credit.

“No, I really like outrageous stuff. Butthole Surfers, Suicidal Tendencies, Dead Kennedys, Anthrax … crap like that.”

“And what about Techno?” she asks.

“I can do it if I have to.”

Then a Pretty Blonde German Girl waves from the barge and tells us to come in. Like it or not, I am dancing. I didn't bring my boots, dammit.

So we go in … it is ladies night. I’m not sure what that means in Frankfurt. In America that means that ladies drink free and guys pay double. I’ve never been to a dance club that lets a guy in without asking for very much in return. They are very accommodative ... No cover, no pressure to even order a drink. You could probably just dance, and that is what Russian #2 proceeds to do.

So I stand at the door that opens to the river, and Russian #2 is dancing along to the music hanging on the streamers from the door-frame in what could otherwise be the choreography to an X-rated movie. Not that I mind. But she really does not need me. She simply wants to dance. And rather than gawk at her, I’m reading the room.

A table with five nice looking German girls watches us with various looks of shock and amusement. I’m clearly the oldest guy in the room. No, I don’t look like a grandfather yet, but I am clearly well out of my 20’s. But I am not dressed much different from them the rest of the crowd.

Me: Black T-shirt, jeans, loafers. Nothing special.

Them -- Guys: Some T-shirts (a couple with sayings on them … points deducted for that. Concert T's are ok, Brand names maybe, but cute sayings never), jeans, a jacket or two, tennies and loafers.

Them -- Girls: Hip hugging jeans, short sweaters (I think the Germans would call these pullovers, although they weren't pulled over completely), big belts, and heels. Thongs and parts of the anatomy showing (Points deducted for that … how do women put up with thongs is my first question, but my second is, why do we need to see them and what they are not covering? Shape is sexy ... crack is not.)

Russian #2: Form-fitting print shirt, painted-on print pants, and sandals.

I feel a bit guilty, because places like this actually need to make money. So I wander off to order a drink … Gin & Tonic, the drink of my preppie youth. Russian #2 settles on Martinis as the poison of her choice.

At the bar and ordering, I am joined in a matter of seconds by Pretty Blonde German Girl, who tries to strike up a conversation.

I realize I might be living out a sociological study here. The one where they tell you that young women are highly competitive in the quest for mates, and that they will often choose the older guy because he has wealth and status. I’m certainly not dressed for success, but I am with Russian #2, so I must have something. Have I become interesting for others? Probably not, I think she's just friendly.

I try to chat with Pretty Blonde German Girl for a couple of seconds, but I can’t hear a thing. Mercifully the drinks arrive, and I can flee. Boy, how life has changed since I was 20.

I collect our drinks … this bar serves the Martini in a Cosmopolitan glass, which is not a Martini glass, but is on the right track … The G&T is naked. The Bartender has no shortage of limes on the bar, but it never occurred to him to put one in, so I ask for one. I thought the german word for Lime was “Limette” (they call lemons Zitrone), but for some reason he starts to cut a lemon.

I wish I could say I am surprised, but many German bartenders are over the heads when serving anything other than beer or wine. I have never had a good Margarita in Germany, and it was not for a lack of trying. Some say the definition of insanity is knowing that the outcome of a certain form of behavior will not change but continuing the behavior anyway expecting the outcome to change. Well, that is not a clinical definition, but it fits the situation with me and German Margaritas. On one attempt, the Margarita came close to being acceptable taste, but the Bartender rimmed the glass with Sugar! I’m sure like most occupations here, one must have a certificate to show proficiency at Bartending, so where the hell do they learn these things? I guess it comes from serving mostly beers.

But I digress.

I again say, “Limette!” Yes, still cutting lemon. Finally I shout “Citron Vert!” He understands my lousy French better than German … not a good sign.

And I return to Russian #2.

I’m surprised she can dance so energetically after so many drinks. This isn’t just House, it is Trance. 140+ beats per minute. She’s been at it for at least half an hour. Hardy stock, these pretty Russian girls. But the music slows down to something more like 90 bpm and she stops dancing.

“We don’t really have this kind of Hip-Hop music in Russian clubs.”

This would be the Slow Jam of Hip-Hop, I guess ... I’m a fish out of water here. In any case, I’m a bit surprised to hear this. I thought it would be a global thing by now. You’ve gotta slow down and catch your breath sometime, don’t you. Everybody has stopped dancing for that matter. It is the catch-your-breath stretch.

“Have you been to Ibiza?

“Yes.” I ponder for a moment, “I have.” The larger question is, am I behaving like I am in Ibiza.

She continues, “I love Ibiza. I can really dance there.”

She can really dance anywhere, but I know what she means. There are maybe 20 people in this little Frankfurt dive tonight, and it is only 1 a.m. This really is a lightweight town.

Time to put her in a taxi home.

Sorry if the G-rated ending bores you. I might bring gas to a bonfire, but I don’t always throw it on.

Is the Glass Half Full or Half Empty?

That's a question for another day, as the glass here is clearly empty. And that's the point. The glass is spotless. Very interesting.

I've been buying the same name brand multi-tab (dishwasher detergent) for years, but for the last several months the dishes have all had a film. I thought it was a Klarspuler issue, so I kept adding that. It would clear up for a load or two, and then the film returned. I thought the dishwasher itself might be going on the fritz.

Then I run out of name-brand multi-tabs, so I run across the street to the market. All they have are the generic brand multi-tabs (If you live in Germany, you probably know the blue and white generic brand I am talking about but not by name).

They cost half as much, but they seem after five or so loads of dishes to be consistently delivering cleaner dishes.

Is it just me, or is the generic stuff really that good?

Mark of the Beast

Gold prices are hovering around $666 per ounce the last couple of days ... is the apocalypse upon us? Probably not, although many economists and pundits will tell you that this is a signal of rising inflation (it might better be termed an indication of the depreciation of the US Dollar), while others more optimistic on the US economy will tell you it is a sign of the global demand for commodities. Both camps are right.

Can you make money with gold and so-called precious metals? Sure. You can also lose money with gold and so-called precious metals.

Buying jewelry as an investment is a splendid way to lose money in precious metals (and stones). One of my grandmothers did this. Yes, when she died with a house full of the stuff, it was worth more than she paid for it, but the average rate of return was somewhere around 0.2%. I wish she had simply spent the money and enjoyed more of her life.

Buying coins is another fantastic way to lose money in precious metals. My father decided in 1971 to buy a bunch of 1963 US Proof sets (1963 was the last year that the US dime, quarter and half-collar were struck in silver). I think he spent something like $10 in 1971 dollars to buy each set ... that would be roughly $47.58 in today's dollars, to buy $0.91 in coins. I recently saw one of these going for roughly $16.00 in today's dollars. Rate of return adjusted for inflation would be somewhere around -66%. My father's investment genius extended to the sale of grandma's jewelry, which he managed to sell with the help of "a good friend" for about 60% of what he might have gotten on e-bay. You can make fantastic money in Roman coins ... maybe ... but not so much for their precious metal content as for the fact that they are rare - they are two thousand years old, and getting harder to find.

You can actually buy the physical metals. This is possible but tough. You've got to find someone to do it, and they take a pretty good cut because there is a lot of overhead involved in handling physical metals. Then you have to store it. Same deal with respect to overhead. Most of the people who actually buy physical metals are the doom and gloom types who think the apocalypse is upon us. I suppose things like gold might have some value in a post-apocalyptic world, but the markets will be too inefficient to make it worth the bother. Better to buy a gun.

You can buy mining stocks. Yes, for the longest time this was the way to invest in precious metals. Key thing to keep in mind is that mines are holes in the ground, and in many cases that is where you are throwing your money. I have some really nice share certificates from mining companies of the 1890's. The certificates themselves are worth a good deal, but I suspect far less than the inflation adjusted dollars that originally bought them. In the short term, however, this is a "not bad" way to do it if you buy a reputable company. Nevertheless, you are buying into the market's opinion of the company's expected performance, and the value of the precious metals is only a part of it.

You can open a commodities trading account at a number of brokerages. You need to have a substantial net worth, or at least represent that as being the case. Most speculators are playing on margin anyway, so what the heck. Choose your firm carefully, however. One of the largest just went spectacularly bankrupt, and while customers did not necessarily lose their money, they did find themselves illiquid for quite some time.

Finally, you can try buying exchange traded funds based on the underlying metal. i-shares has a couple of ETF's based on gold and silver. If you still have a stomach for the risk after reading the disclaimers, this might be a reasonable way to play these two metals.

Don't ask me where gold is going and what you should do about it: About the former, I have an opinion, but for the latter, it would not be appropriate for me to give investment advice. Sorry.

Disclaimer

Louis Rukeyser, RIP

The former host of Wall $treet Week passed away on Tuesday at his home in Connecticut. He had been suffering multiple myeloma, a form of cancer that attacks bone marrow.

He opened each week’s show with a pun-filled monologue summarizing that week in the markets (mostly the stock market). His show aimed to bring Wall Street to the masses, to make what was happening each week understandable for the Average Joe or Josephine, without talking down to them. The show succeeded in spades, garnering the largest audience for any of its kind.

I loved the show as a kid … somewhere in the ‘70s. I don’t know why, for it always appealed to older folks with the puns and calm delivery of its host. It was the kind of thing my grandfather would watch when he wasn’t watching Lawrence Welk. He really liked “That nice, young Mr. Rukeyser.”

From my perspective, he was always as old as the earth. And that was part of is appeal to the show’s principal demographic, once described as “55 to death.” When I was a stockbroker, these were some of my best clients. The show was of little interest to me for investing ideas (once the idea was on a show like W$W, it was old news), but the older folks loved and trusted this guy. If his panel suggested something, my clients were asking about it on Monday. Best of all worlds for a broker, who is by definition a walking conflict of interest.

I can’t remember exactly who underwrote the show … I think oddly enough that Occidental Petroleum was one of them, and of course the underwriting credits would include the ubiquitous “… and the support of public television viewers,” which meant that the money you pledged to one of the 300 or so PBS affiliates who aired it was being used to buy the show from Maryland Public Television.

I do remember that the show was not underwritten by the firm I was working for. Talk about free ride. In fact, the whole Street benefited from the order flow from this show. Thank-you, Mom & Pop America. Thank you, PBS.

In 2002, the geniuses at Maryland Public Television decided to update the show by giving it younger hosts (both were 50-ish), moving Rukeyser to second chair. This was, of course, the death knell of the show.

The people who have money and want to watch this kind of show are middle-aged and older-aged folks, many women. They are now watching people like Suze Orman on CNBC. Some of these people watch PBS at least some of the time, and they are the types who pick up the phones during pledge drives. This is why you will often see Suze’s specials during local Public TV pledge drives. I don’t know why it never occurred to MPT to look at someone like her when casting about for a replacement. Talk about not understanding your market … but then that is why they work for Maryland Public Television.

Rukeyser moved to CNBC for a brief season, but his deteriorating health finally took him off the air in 2003. He was only 73 when he died.



Disclaimer

Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread

We're out of bread. Two choices here. Well, three really. No, four actually.

My mind is slow to boot up. I just woke up, and I haven't had my daily shot of Tab® because I am still looking for the bread that will keep it from eating through my stomach. I guess if I drew a decision tree, I could really tell how many choices I have, but my gut says it is four:

First, go without.

Second, go out in public looking like a beggar to buy some.

Third, shower shave and dress so that being an Auslander is not further held against you, as it would certainly be if you followed choice two.

Fourth, bake your own.

We’ve only bought two loaves of bread since I stopped working last September. The first was used to stuff the Thanksgiving turkey, as I did not want to waste a fresh-homemade loaf on that. The second was bought at the airport on our return from Mallorca a few weeks ago, since it would be too late to bake one on arrival at home.

The Partnerin does not ask a lot of me, and she tolerates a lot of my bad habits, like excessive internet surfing, blogging, and standing when I ... sorry, WTMI. A fresh loaf of bread buys a lot of indulgence for those daily vices, and if I want to pop across the ocean or venture out of town for a couple days, a loaf of bread goes a long way to securing her blessings.

Purists will tell you that kneading by hand is the way to do it … that it is more sensual. I don’t need to knead by hand to feel connected to my bread. I’m just not that needy. Besides, some of the best French bakers I have seen all use their Robots proudly, and if it’s good enough for the French, it’s good enough for me.

Robots? Oui, vive le Robot. Mine is the venerable KitchenAid® stand-mixer. I reluctantly put my American version into storage years ago, and I missed it for some time. I would look in German stores like Saturn or Mediamarkt and would only find other light-duty makes and models that, at best, would whip cream.

Then one day the Partnerin and I were browsing Galeries Lafayette in Strasbourg, and while she was perusing new handbags, I decided to check out their Home and Kitchen section. And to my delight, they had a real KitchenAid®. It was “on sale” for “only” 479 euros, marked down from 599 Euros. But this was the Artisan model, which can found in the US for around $200. I decided to check the appliance section at Cora on our way back to Frankfurt.

I discovered Cora when I first moved to Germany because I was generally too lazy to get out of bed before noon on a Saturday. In Germany, that life-style had serious consequences, because all of the stores in Frankfurt closed at 16:00. That meant that shopping took on the character of combat. And it also meant that by 14:30 or so the German stores were going stock-out on most things I wanted or needed. German stores still go stock-out on Saturday, but nowadays, with stores open until 20:00, it usually occurs around 18:00.

So the need to shop in calm meant I had to either had to change my lifestyle or find alternatives. Lifestyle was definitely not going to change. As for alternatives, they did exist … many expats resort to the grocery markets at the Train-station or the Airport.

I did a few vacations at Mont Blanc several years before moving to Germany, and on the way from Geneva to Chamonix I stopped off at a Migros pretty late one Saturday afternoon. I did not think of it at the time, coming from the land of 24-hour shopping, but years later in the land of Saturday-afternoon-Combat-shopping, France beckoned as a land of calm (talk about delicious irony). Stores there were often open to 19:00 on Saturdays.

Cora is a French Hypermarché (Hyper-market), probably best described to Americans … forgive me my French friends … as the French-equivalent of a Wal-Mart® Superstore. But don’t let that stop you from visiting one when in France. First of all, you can find a lot of useful things there that can only be had in Germany at much higher prices, if they can be had at all.

For example, the Partnerin loves a particular brand of lavender-scented fabric softener that for some reason cannot be found in Germany. I prefer gel-type deodorants that I have never seen in Germany, but, contrary to many American characterizations of the French, in Mon Magasin Cora I can actually find Gillette® gel deos. And the house brand of menthol shaving foam is so bracing it practically rips the whiskers out of my face by itself … great stuff. (I’ll have to go on in another post about why you can’t find certain toiletries in Germany, suffice it to say a lot of people here think they are being poisoned by their toothpaste!) And that’s just the mundane stuff.

The cheese, meat, and fish sections are a celebration of much that is good about France. The vegetables and fruits are usually excellent and far more varied than one finds in Germany, especially if you are early, although one of my French friends once told me he really admires the produce sections in American markets. How is that for irony? And some of the pre-fixed items you can find there are to die for (literally if you don’t bring a cooler!).

Cora did have a Kitchenaid®, but they wanted 389 Euros. I would have parted with the cash then and there, but they only had one unit, the display model. No thanks, not at that price. I regretted not grabbing that unit while it was in reach, but after two weeks I got over it. Then needing some new software, I stumbled across the fact that Amazon.de had gotten into the household wares business, bless their hearts. Say what you will about big, “evil” American corporations, at least they connect you with the goods.

And they only wanted 329 Euros. Everything électrique on this side of the Atlantic is more expensive, but the cost-benefit analysis supported it.

But I digress.

There are two ways to make bread. Buy a mix, or do it from scratch.

Mixes are the way to go if you want the satisfying smell of baking bread with a moderate commitment of time. Many of the mixes are good, and have the added benefit of only needing 5 minutes to blend, 30 minutes to “rest”, perhaps another 30 to 45 minutes for the rise, and anywhere from 15 to 60 minutes to bake dependent on factors such as composition and shape. A good Bauernbrot bakes in an hour, a white bread in 35 minutes, and smaller Brötchen perhaps 15 to 20 minutes. I will do the mixes for most of the dark breads.

For white breads, especially French-style, mixes are out of the question. They exist, but they are not to my liking

When you are doing your own from scratch, a Robot is a life-saver, because the kneading can take as long as 10 to 15 minutes. Don’t dare leave the kitchen while it is running, however, because it can and sometimes will walk off the counter.

Consult your favorite cookbook for a recipe. I have my own, but it is plain-jane and, like a good loaf of rising bread, would double the size of this post over the next 30 to 45 minutes. Fodder perhaps for some later post.

In the meantime, here is today’s Bauernbrot (yes, from a mix).

Don’t you love the heart-shaped form?
It was a Christmas gift from the Partnerin. Every loaf baked with love.

(I can hear you purists groaning that a proper Bauernbrot is not baked in a form. Get a life.)





KitchenAid is a registered trademark of the Whirpool Properties, Inc.

WalMart is a registered trademark of Wal-Mart Stores, Inc.

Tab is a registered trademark of the Coca Cola Company. You can't find it in Europe without going to extreme measures.

Gillette is a registered trademark of The Gillette Company, a proud member of the Proctor & Gamble family of brands since 1 October 2005.

Amazon.de is a trademark of Amazon.com, Inc. and is protected under EU laws. I quickly lost interest in how to properly portray it here, but trust me, it is protected.

Cora, Migros, Galeries Lafayette, Mediamarkt, and Saturn are probably registered trademarks in their respective countries, but I am too lazy to do the research.

Always read the Tiny Print!

Can't See the Trees for the Forest

It starts to rain more than a few drops. I fumble with the zipper of my jacket, but it's on the "wrong side." Dammit, this is my American jacket ... three years of fumbling with German zippers, and now I have to remember how to zip on the other side.

Then the Partnerin asks, "What do we do about our Winter clothes?"

We've had this conversation before ... Do we dry-clean them before we store them? How do we store them? Do we give some to the needy?, And so on.

I think about it for 2 seconds as I still struggle with the zipper, "We burn them!"

This would have shocked her four years ago, but now she simply says, "Don't you think that is a bit extreme?"

"Look at it this way ... you get to do more shopping."

"Oh! That would be nice!"

She wasn't expecting that ... advantage Mike.

We are walking down the hill back to the car after having wandered about the Taunus forest for the past two hours. We had planned to wander on Saturday, then Sunday, but on each day we found other things to do since the skies seemed to keep promising and occasionally delivering rain.

This morning she dragged me out of bed at 10:30 ... I hate being up so early on any day, much less a holiday.

"The sun is shining ... get up! We are going Wandering. Wandering! Yipee!"

I wonder where she learned "Yipee" ... it's not in my vocabulary. "Woohoo," maybe. "Yipee" never. I am prone to hyperbole in many things except in expressing my emotions. Then I become the Iceman. But it is a nice day from what I can see through the Rolladen the Partnerin has rudely drawn up.

I am reminded of a line from Henry David Thoreau in A Week on the Concord and Merrimack Rivers ... I'm doing this from memory, so don't hate me if I muck it up a little ...

Ply thy oars,
Away, away,
In the dewdrop of the morning
Lies the promise of the day.

I hate mornings.

This is a holiday. She expects breakfast. Worse still, she expects breakfast with me. I hate breakfast. Perhaps that's why I like Spain ... I lived in Portugal for a year-and-a-half, and we never ate breakfast there. A big lunch, a long dinner, but thank heaven no pressing need for me to show up at the breakfast table. I know some people in Spain and Portugal eat breakfast, but none with whom I shared any significant amount of time back then. Different story altogether in Germany.

With breakfast mercifully out of the way, the next question is, "Where do we go?" Good question. In preparation for walking Hadrian's Wall last year, we hiked Frankfurt and its surroundings to death. Nothing sounds particularly appealing today, but I give it some thought.

She's been deskbound for several months, and at best I have been walking the flatlands. Today seems like a good day to do both vertical as well as some horizontal, so the Saalburg and the Taunus seem like a good choice.

The Saalburg jumps out because my brain is still stuck in Roman times from the Lost Blogger week. It has a nice reproduction of a Roman frontier fortress as well as partial excavations of actual Roman stones from the times of my old friend Hadrianus Augustus.

More to the point, it is directly on the Deutsches Limes, the Roman line marking the edge of the empire in Germany. It's still in evidence if you know what you are looking for. Not impressive from a 21st Century viewpoint ... not as awe-inspiring as some stretches of Hadrian's Wall, but think back to how long it took you to dig a row in your garden and then transpose that to a rampart and ditch construct that runs for 550 Kilometers and you have a real appreciation for what these people accomplished two millenia ago.









Then we stumble across a bunker-like construction off to the side. I actually have no idea what it is, but it seems out of place for a forest. We decide to check it out.

"But it is muddy," she complains.

"That's why we are wearing hiking boots!"












Most people walk or ride on by these things. The riding part made the Partnerin crazy. Zwooooooosh every minute or so as a cylist came screaming down the hill. Good thing she was in bright red, so they had a chance to see her. She really was in that pic, but she was nearly clipped by the cyclist, so you can't see her here.












So, with mud no longer being a deterrent, we wander off the beaten path and go straight for the summit. The Partnerin has never been able to pace herself, so she takes off for the top. I might be in better condition, but she leaves me in the leaves. I'm in awe. She later confesses she was winded, but she conquered that hill like a Roman.

Nearly 5Km from the outset, we are at the top of this ridge. We find an interesting outcrop. We also find a new trail that parallels the Limes, so we follow it for a few hundred meters and then we head left for new territory.







We follow that for a few hundred meters more and find a series of trees with earth dug up around them. The Partnerin asks, "What's this?"

Sounding both thoughtful and authoritative, I state "Hmmm ... maybe wild boars were looking for truffles." What do I know about these things?












And at some point along here I wish I carried an audio recorder, because the Partnerin and I could probably do a nice podcast. We've been talking on for hours now about this and that, and I realize we talk a lot and about so many things. Her parents made this observation once: "Do you two really talk so much?" Yep. Today it was everything from Roman history to how Coniferous trees came to crowd out Deciduous trees in German forests, to German history and the various traces one finds about the country side, and other topics of a light-hearted but more personal nature. I never thought I would have so much to say to one person about so much and so little. How does she bring out the best in me?

Then it is time to head back. The Partnerin is thirsty, and we brought no water.

I realize that after more than a quarter of a century, I still practice half of the stuff they taught us in survival school. "Drink water, Ration Sweat." I drank plenty of water before we left. As I started to heat up, I took off my jacket and wrapped it around my waist. The half that I forgot was to look out for the Partnerin ... She has been wearing her jacket zipped up all along, and she is dehydrated.

I was taking in the eons of natural history and millenia of human history around us, I had the good sense to remember a quarter century of personal history, and I was really enjoying half a decade of our history together. Forests and trees.

John Kenneth Galbraith, RIP

The noted Economist, Harvard University Professor, Author, and Canadian, aged 97, passed away on Saturday evening.

He was indeed a significant influencer of modern economic thought among policy-makers in the USA from the 1950's through the 1970's.

Best quote: "Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists."

Most telling quote: "Among all the world's races, some obscure Bedouin tribes possibly apart, Americans are the most prone to misinformation. This is not the consequence of any special preference for mendacity, although at the higher levels of their public administration that tendency is impressive. It is rather that so much of what they themselves believe is wrong."